Vent

Thnx Duke. I was riding high last night but today feel meek as a mouse. Terrible anxiety. Losing my stuff. Record collection, books, comfort, dogs, and of course the house with all the love and effort i poured into it. I won the house in divorce court, was unable to refinance due to extended leave from work. So now the house that my baseball money paid legal and downpayment is no longer mine since she owns the mortgage single handidly. It was her credit and work that got the place in the first part. I am so fucked u wouldnt believe. All the time too sick to MGd (may be later stages of lyme disease a tick bite!!!! Remeber that phone call way back where i started talking about something wierd about my skin/hair i didnt know about either morgellons or lyme disease...and yet i get treated as if i AM making this shit up. I'm at the end of this book, perhaps a preface to another novel to write. Swear to god im goin to Biloxi. Been selling guitars, silver and gold, and records to squeak on by since i'm unpaid extended leave. Was in the damn ER checking for metal poisoning. My parents think MgD is psychological delusions of parasites. And yeah there is a level of trictollomania involved. If you had a foreign body intrusive feeling all the time..like 10000 splinters all interacting and seemingly symbiotic. Yknow how one splinter can ruin a weekend if you dont get it out... That's not even half of the hellish symptoms 100k americans and 1mil world citizens suffer. If ya google/bing image it you see a lot of follks MUCH worse off than me but they perhaps dont have the persistence and scientific background i have. I have fought this tooth and nail every day since 98. ...i wake up in a surreal j.g.ballard/pkd/burroughs scenario. In that i take some pleasure. The absurdity and horror of it all is stranger than any fiction.today i am feeling to. Sick and weak to move select items to the storage bin. Lord help me. My medicines are strong, without gabapentin/neurontin I surely would not be here. I am resigned towards whatever may come, tired of fighting. All best duke!!! We time travel back one day and philosophize about JOB and buddha's klesha's while Tressa sits on the couch giggling at our intense discussion gets into conundrums. Thanks for allowing me to vent. Your support means the world to me,
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